Current music: Ambling Alp by Yeasayer

I have Internet now! And it sometimes works. It was hilarious getting it set up, as the installer man did not speak a word of English, and I don't speak a word of Chinese, save for a few random words that have nothing to do with the situation. I suppose I could have said that to him, but it would have made no sense.

I was forced to call upon one of the security guards in my building, who thankfully speaks very broken English. He has been my savior many times in the past week, and I just learned today that his name was Simon. He is a funny little man that is way too defensive about his English skills. I constantly tell him that he speaks very well, and he starts laughing and denies it, today he even fell down in protest. He is just one example of the Taiwanese hospitality that I have been told about. People say that Canadians are nice. We have nothing on the Taiwanese.

I was debating on going to the pub tonight, but during the past week, everyone has predicted an epic typhoon that looks like its about to hit as I type this. The sky blackened in the past ten minutes. I'm stoked that I got home, as I was out shopping before, and I do not fancy biking in it. I biked home during the last typhoon and almost died.

Speaking of the pub. Willy's. The place to be in Tainan. They have pizza. Westerners have no idea what it means to have good pizza here. And Willy's pizza is good. Very good.
The bar is owned by an Englishman named Andy and a Welshman named Alun. I met Andy last night and told him that I would most likely be living at his bar. He was cool with it.

Current music: Black Steel by Tricky

The foreigners in Tainan also all hang out at Willys. All the time. Sonya and I went for a drink yesterday, and pretty much everyone that was in the bar was at the party on Saturday night. It's kind of funny how small this city is.

I realize that I have written very little about my job. Things are going very well, I have the kind of freedom that I would not have at home. I have a curriculum, but I don't really follow it. I still love my kids, for the most part. There are some days when I have to hold myself back from backhanding them. This is where the Chinese teachers come in.

Vera and Joan (pronounced Joanne) are my eyes and ears and occasionally my asskicking boot in both classrooms. One sentence from them spoken in harsh Chinese and my kids shut the hell up. It's glorious. I've had to yell at them a few times myself. I hate doing it, because I honestly don't care if they run around like monkeys, but apparently the school does. The kids hate it when I yell, they call me Monster Jess.

The babies have just learned to say their own names. I have never been prouder of them. Every two weeks, the bilingual classes have an assembly where they demonstrate what they have been learning lately, whether it be a song or whatever. And my babies didn't fuck up. It was basically my proof for Peet that I can teach like the best of them. Whenever they do something right, they are rewarded with a high five from me, and they love high fiving. I have Ben to thank for that, he taught them last year. I have been trying to teach them to high five each other, but they usually end up smacking each other in the face, because they have no coordination yet. It's the funniest thing ever. And it seems that I am unintentionally teaching violence as a reward. I'm alright with that.

Current music: Master of Puppets by Metallica

The Bi-5 class, which I call the 'munchkins' and occasionally 'oompa loompas,' try to push my limits. That's why I have Jess's patented X and smiley face system. It works like a charm. On most. One is immune to it, so all I have to do is threaten to make him run laps in the sun. The textbooks they gave me have the theme of Jack and the beanstalk, which makes no sense, because I highly doubt that native-speaking kids of that age would understand that story, let alone my kids, who can't read "magic beans" let alone understand what they are. But I digress again.

It is not legal for ex-pats to teach kindergarten English in Taiwan. Unofficially, every primary school does it. However, if anyone from the government shows up at the school and finds foreigners there, the school can get fined. Les told me that it is possible to deport you as well, but they probably wouldn't. Anyways, Jump Start has an alarm system for when these raids take place, which sounds like birds chirping. The funny thing is, no one told me, or Elyssa for that matter, about the alarm before I heard it. So, on Tuesday, when I heard birds chirping throughout the school, I honestly thought that it was in my head. Having had migraines for so long, you sometimes doubt your own perception of things. Then, the alarm rang for a second time, and I realized it wasn't a hallucination, which was even stranger. After about 2 seconds of me looking confused, Vera pushed me out the door of my classroom, and I saw her hiding my stuff. Hopey ran over to me, and said "We have to go, now." After about 3 seconds of me looking confused, he grabbed my arm and pulled me down the stairs of the school. The other English teachers were running out the door, to the section of the campus called Head Start, which is a private elementary school run by the same company. Once we are over there, we are technically not doing anything illegal, but its still not a good idea to be seen. So we had to hang out in a classroom for about 5 minutes, as it wasn't an official raid. Victoria told us that they were just there to pick up papers. Elyssa suspects that it was a drill, and I am inclined to agree.

The alarm sounded again yesterday, which I think may have been a real raid. This time was less confusing, however. It only lasted for about 15 minutes of us reading the newspaper. Apparently, the raids can sometimes last for hours. I do not look forward to that day. Hopey told me to keep my purse by the door, so that next time we can all sneak out and get coffee.

Current music: Love Song by The Cure

I grow weary of typing. This typhoon is supposed to last until Tuesday, and I hope that it does. If school gets canceled, I still get paid. And I can say that it was because of a typhoon day. Snow days be damned. It's really fucking windy. Yet there are still fireworks right now. I imagine that that's very dangerous.

Thing I miss of the day: Autumn. People claim that there are seasons here. They lie.

I'm going to go sit on the balcony until the rain hits.